What leads your life?

This life has led my family and myself down paths of heartache, feelings of defeat, loss, tears, distress and mental, emotional, and spiritual challenge.  When my kids were little, I would not say I believed in anything spiritual, in fact I denied any realm of believing in a God because of a very painful divorce that my parents ensued.  The results sent a tidal wave through not only them but my sister, myself and into the far reaches of our extended family.

As Jeff and I's oldest daughter pursues getting married during the Corona Virus and our youngest daughter is getting healing, I write, I ponder and I pray my heart out for answers, for solutions, for deep rippling effects of God to span in and through my family and far beyond.

I had never read the book of Lamentations.  I was led there during a devotional in June.  3:22-23 were the verses highlighted, which say, “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” 

 These verses are incredibly true, I have experienced them myself.  I decided to read the rest for the chapter from the beginning.  Wow, it’s pretty raw, if you decide to read it.

As I write a letter to my youngest daughter, through her healing and ours...

"I want you to know that I care about how you feel and what you think.  I should also say that along those same lines, everything you think and feel is not correct.  Just like we need to take our thoughts captive in areas of being in-appropriate, we also have to take our thoughts and emotions captive and put them in their proper place.  Now don’t miss understand me.  God made us emotional beings and it is certainly ok to feel pain, sorrow, disappointment, sadness, joy, happiness, sense of urgency, worry and all the other feels but we must also not allow our defeating emotions and thoughts to keep us in a STUCK place or to cause us to RESPOND irrationally.  If we do not put them in their proper place (with the help of God), they will dictate how we think and feel about ourselves about others and how we act.  I don’t mean pretend at all, I don’t mean to not feel, I mean to keep things in check and express them in a healthy way.  Make sense?

Just like you, I also have to do very purposefully these things I’ve written about above.  I also have to live only one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time.  God knows what you can handle and he knows what I can handle.  

And we must remember, to keep every daily task in perspective,  that we are at War, we are called to be followers and disciples of Jesus, to fight the good fight.  Because we do have an enemy.  It is NOT each other or ourselves, it is a fight for our souls.  The war for Good is called Life, the war of Evil is called Death.  I don't mean physical death or physical life, I mean spiritual death and spiritual life."

I lived all of my 20's and most of my 30's in spiritual death, mental and physical unhealthiness.  Yes, I ate well, I cared about nutrition for my children and family.  Yes, I worked out on occasion.  I walked, I ran, I homeschooled my kids, I was hurting and empty and sad and unfulfilled.  No matter how involved I was or how many people I interacted with, no matter how many classes at TC3 I took, no matter how much beer I drank, I wasn't satisfied.  Something was missing...

I needed a savior, I needed a rescuer, I needed meaning and purpose in my life. Not self imposed meaning and purpose, I needed a greater purpose to LIVE for.

"I pray everyday that you choose LIFE above all of your struggles.  The difficulty of this season you are in is an opportunity of refinement, pruning and setting you up for LIFE!"

As I scroll through my email, one catches my eye.  It's title is Feelings Make Wonderful Gods .  The subtitle is "A Demon's Guide to Human Emotions".  If you've ever read C.S. Lewis, Screwtape Letters, which I just finished reading, I thought this a perfect interlude to start this Blog.

     "On your watch, your man has come to believe that he can — and ought to! — control (and even train?) his emotions. This flicker must be snuffed out immediately! Past generations knew this — and what aches it caused us. Men and women assessing their feelings by standards other than pure, unadulterated instinct — I shudder to recall such times. 

No. No. No. A new temple has been built, a new priestess ordained, new shrines erected, indeed, a new religion has formed, centered around they, themselves, and their feelings."

                     Make Him F.E.E.L.

Their emotions, from birth, are lions to be let free, not pets to be trained. On your watch, your man has come to believe otherwise. Return him to the catechism immediately. Make him F.E.E.L.

F. Feelings make me. Play this on repeat. 

E. Emotions happen to me. Teach him that emotional excitement happens to the humans — that they cannot actually hope to fight them or to train them, nor should they... Let them always think that their emotions happen to them — never that their emotions might be halted, rejected, even reversed.

E. Emotions interpret reality. Emotions must inform reality, never visa versa. We must never again hear the dreadful sentiment repeated, “My feelings are not God. God is God. My feelings do not define truth. God’s word defines truth.”

L. Love is love is love is love. Love, the chief jewel of all unquestionable feelings today, is a label we love to stamp on whatever was highly objectionable only yesterday. Love between an unmarried man and a married woman; love between two of the same sex; love for women and their choice over the life of the unborn. In other words, a colorful banner of love covers (and encourages) a multitude of sins. Let the god of love reign. 

Nephew, send him deeper into trusting his feelings. Send him feeling all the way to our Father. Let his own heart lead him over the cliff."

https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/feelings-make-wonderful-gods?

I end this with asking you, what's your purpose?  Are you living your life with intention?  What is your god and will you surrender to the one and only living God? Life is full of twists and turns and I needed a savior.  Praise Jesus, He found me.